.love.of.an.angel.

talk to me

Friday, December 31, 2004
10:21:00 PM

h.a.p.p.y.
n.e.w.
y.e.a.r.

t s u n a m i
terrible natural disaster that had happened to the world this year.. sumtimes i believe it's a punishment for us people, when natural disaster went nasty.. we shld really think it over.. help in whichever way you can people.. mayb one day, you will need e same help too.. (touch wood!!)

1900-911-1110 for $10 donation to Mercy Relief & Red Cross
--> i receieved this thru sms.. pls help generously.. :)

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not goin to do much to end this year.. watchin 'meet the fockers' later at 2.15am.. dunno will b tired or not.. went to get electrical stuff w alvin this afternoon.. n he saved one voucher.. dunno whether it's for me or not.. heez.. i definitely hope so..cuz i wanna get a digital cam.. heez..

2004 had been a slacky year for me.. i din get into uni.. and all i did was pamperin myself.. i think i spent quite a lot this yr.. but i'm glad tt i met alvin this yr.. really.. he showed me a different world, which i found myself comfortably indulged in.. i hav no regrets at all..

thank you alvin, for all the wonderful moments you hav given me.. i really appreciate it..

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2005 resolutions:

a better peg, diligent and seek higher expectations, and of cuz achieving them..
burns all my fats!!
save up in case of emergency.. (esp when i 4got abt bdays!!)
be happy and treat the people ard me as nice as i can be..
truthful and honest to my loved ones..
exercise more..
and of cuz.. taking my resolutions seriously and keepin to them.. :p

h A p P y N e W y E a R ! !

.this is angelpeg.

Thursday, December 30, 2004
10:22:00 PM

e sweetest thing i have ever heard from a fren this whole yr, from my dearest efei..

cause i still haven't found what i've been looking for says:
mmm luck got you

cause i still haven't found what i've been looking for says:
mmm i'm really happy that i've met people like you in my life

cause i still haven't found what i've been looking for says:
gives me faith

--> happy that i actually made an impact on sumone's life.. i'm really glad.. heez..

.this is angelpeg.

e x h a u s t e d

went to pelangi to get presents for my mum & dad's wedding anniversary.. think i'll get a cake or sumthin.. just really happy for them.. heez.. and went to electrical shop w avin to get his electrical prizes from a golf competition.. big headache as in wat to get.. haiz.. choices choices choices.. & i'm jealous cuz he aint gettin anythin for me.. :(

at kingsurf now.. was bothered by few ppl who tried addin me on MSN.. i dun wanna add them cuz i dunno them at all.. but after a few mths of consistent pop-ups by these ppl.. i wondered, mayb i do know these ppl.. so i added them..

well.. it was a mistake..

two of e three ppl gotten my email from sumone whom they said, was my fren, but they were reluctant to disclose e name of this 'fren'.. i was damn pek cek n dun wanna waste time on them.. so i BLOCKED them.. heez..

this another guy, was a damn sly one.. gotten my email add at kingsurf (e one i frequent lots..).. he went to e com i was using and got my email add from MSN.. i was quite mad.. but wat to do? but i guess it was him already.. cuz e day b4.. i went to kingsurf two days in a row.. n on e 2nd day, this guy asked me, "give you e com u used yesterday?" i was pretty shocked tt he rem, cuz i dun rem him at all.. so i just smiled n left..

when he talked to me on MSN, he told me he saw me last yr at plaza pelangi.. i was shocked.. lucky he wasnt a stalker.. haha.. but guess wat he said to me..

"your face very pretty"

heez.. tt was sweet of him.. actually he seem like a nice guy.. but too bad, he kinda used e wrong approach..

.this is angelpeg.

Wednesday, December 29, 2004
3:18:00 AM

oh ya.. forgot this pic from weilin's bbq.. heez.. only eugene and jian kai did a good job as posin as criminals.. haha.. looks quite symmetric.. haha.. cuz on e right are chee keong n kah man, with specs, and they're lookin up.. den on e left, r jian kai and eugene, without specs, lookin down.. haha.. funny sia and of cuz.. CUTE!!

.this is angelpeg.

alvin & me.. he went all e way to spore w me to attend eugene's hse warmin.. tt's very sweet of him.. thx avin.. heez.. love ya lots..

.this is angelpeg.

tried to act funny & cute.. heez.. but dun think it's of much diff from e previous one..haha.. except for me n jill.. haha.. GUYS!!

.this is angelpeg.

from e left, chee wei, yong sheng, weilin, tiong wee, eugene and jill & peg.. heez.. e other guys dun wanna tk.. so oh well..

.this is angelpeg.

in e middle, is eugene's brother.. heez.. a bit like eugene la.. cant really tell when i first saw him.. heez..

.this is angelpeg.

poor me.. still gotta smile when she's strugglin me.. haiz.. oh well.. she's my sister ma..

.this is angelpeg.

well.. enuff of actin cute.. here's to jill & peg.. and of cuz! behind left, is kok wee.. heez..

.this is angelpeg.

cosy pic.. feels comfortable in this pic.. cuz it's just me & jill.. so close..

.this is angelpeg.

my good long tongue.. haha.. very long ah? dun really think so wor.. mayb i dun see tongues tt often so cant compare.. oh well..

.this is angelpeg.

u're struggling me jill!! argh!! but i love it when she do tt.. heez.. sadist sia.. i dun look like myself hor..

.this is angelpeg.

bloated fish anyone?? heez.. one cute and one act cute.. haha..

.this is angelpeg.

this looks and feels kinda awkward.. wat happened??

.this is angelpeg.

let me see.. actin cute again.. wat's new??

.this is angelpeg.

jill and her usual act cute poise.. haiz.. i can only entertain her lo..

.this is angelpeg.

think we can be enemies sumtimes.. erm.. dun think so.. we'll b better as FRENS!!

.this is angelpeg.

e guys with their x box.. haiz.. wat's w guys and games? guess i can nv figure out tt..

.this is angelpeg.

haha.. alvin spotted jill when she wan to tk a snap shot.. i forgot wat was i pointin at.. heez..

.this is angelpeg.

jill and yong sheng.. dun try to b tall la.. can tell de lo..haiz.. dunno y jill so silly sumtime..

.this is angelpeg.

taken at eugene's hse warmin.. heez.. e tallest is yongsheng.. next is welin and den me n jill.. heez..

.this is angelpeg.

this was edited by jill.. nice work.. and i like wat she wrote.. tt's very sweet of her.. and i'm glad we are great friends.. cant imagine how it will be to not hav her w me... i love you.. jill dear..

.this is angelpeg.

jill did e editin.. she did a pretty damn good job w it.. love it! thx jill.. love ya too.. smuacks!!

.this is angelpeg.

more upclose.. it's us again!! kinday blurry...

.this is angelpeg.

peg & jill.. heez..

.this is angelpeg.

another pic of e same ppl.. but this is more well-behaved..

.this is angelpeg.

from left to right, sunshine jill & smiley peg.. chee keong, stoned eugene and cheery jian kai.. also at weilin's bbq...

.this is angelpeg.

dunno who took this slant pic.. kinda scary as if sumone was next to us.. haiyo!!

.this is angelpeg.

another pic... e front two is welin and his gf, meiling..

.this is angelpeg.

weilin's bbq.. taken quite long ago.. but den jill finally sent to me..

.this is angelpeg.

ever first pic me & jill taken which is so sweetz.. heez.. love this pic so much.. finally hav it in my com.. taken at sentosa while we're on our way to eugene's bbq lasy yr..

.this is angelpeg.

love.between.siblings.

I was born in a secluded village on a mountain.

Day by day, my parents ploughed the yellow dry soil with their backs towards the sky.

I have a brother who is 3 years younger than me.

I wanted to buy a handkerchief, which all girls around me seemed to have.

So, one day I stole 50 cents from my father's drawer.

Father had discovered about the stolen money right away.

He made me and my younger brother kneel against the wall as he held a bamboo stick in his hand.

"Who stole the money?" he asked.

I was stunned, too afraid to talk.

Neither of us admitted to the fault,

so he said, "Fine, if nobody wants to admit, you two should be beaten!"

He lifted up the bamboo stick.

Suddenly, my younger brother gripped father's hand and said,

" Dad, I was the one who did it!"

The long stick smacked my brother's back repeatedly.

Father was so angry that he kept on whipping my brother until he lost his breath.

After that, he sat down on our stone bed and scolded my brother,

"You have learned to steal from your own house now.

What other embarrassing things will you are possibly doing in the future?

You should be beaten to death, you shameless thief!"

That night, my mother and I hugged my brother.

His body was full of wounds from the beating but he never shed a single tear.

In the middle of the night, all of sudden, I cried out loudly.

My brother covered my mouth with his little hand and said,

"Sis, now don't cry anymore. Everything has happened."

I still hate myself for not having enough courage to admit what I did.

Years gone by, but the incident still seemed like it just happened yesterday.

I will never forget my brother's expression when he protected me.

That year, my brother was 8 years old and I was 11 years old.

When my brother was in his last year of secondary school, he was accepted in an upper secondary school in the central.

At the same time, I was accepted into a university in the province.

That night, father squatted in the yard, smoking, packet by packet.

I could hear him ask my mother, "Both of our children, they have good results? Very good results?"

Mother wiped off her tears and sighed," What is the use?

How can we possibly finance both of them?"

At that time, my brother walked out, he stood in front of father and said,

"Dad, I don't want to continue my study anymore, I have read enough books."

Father swung his hand and slapped my brother on his face.

"Why do you have a spirit so damn weak?

Even if it means I have to beg for money on the streets,

I will send you two to school until you have both finished your study!"

And then, he started to knock on every house in the village to borrow money.

I stuck out my hand as gently as I can to my brother's swollen face, and told him,

"A boy has to continue his study; If not, he will not be able to overcome this poverty we are experiencing."

I, on the other hand,

had decided not to further my study at the university.

Nobody knew that on the next day, before dawn,

my brother left the house with a few pieces of worn-out clothes and a few dry beans.

He sneaked to my side of the bed and left a note on my pillow,

"Sis, getting into a university is not easy. I will go find a job and I will send money to you."

I held the note while sitting on my bed, and cried until I lost my voice.

That year, my brother was 17 years old; I was 20 years old.

With the money father borrowed from the whole village,

and the money my brother earned from carrying cement on his back at a construction site, finally,

I managed to get to the third year of my study in the university.

One day, while I was studying in my room, my roommate came in and told me,

"There's a villager waiting for you outside!"

Why would there be a villager looking for me?

I walked out, and I saw my brother from afar.

His whole body was covered with dirt, dust, cement and sand.

I asked him, "Why did you not tell my roommate that you are my brother?"

He replied with a smile,

" Look at my appearance. What will they think if they would know that I am your brother?

Won't they laugh at you?"

I felt so touched, and tears filled my eyes.

I swept away dirt and dust from my brother's body.

And told him with a lump in my throat,

"I don't care what people would say!

You are my brother no matter what your appearance is?"

From his pocket, he took out a butterfly hair clip.

He put it on my hair and said,

"I saw all the girls in town are wearing it.

So, I think you should also have one."

I could not hold back myself anymore.

I pulled my brother into my arms and cried.

That year, my brother was 20 years old; I was 23 years old.

I noticed that the broken window was repaired the first time I brought my boyfriend home.

The house was scrubbed cleaned.

After my boyfriend left, I danced like a little girl in front of my mother,

"Mom, you didn't have to spend so much time cleaning the house!"

But she told me with a smile,

" It was your brother who went home early to clean the house.

Didn't you see the wound on his hand?

He hurt his hand while he was replacing the window."

I went into my brother's bedroom.

Looking at his thin face, I felt like there are hundreds of needle pricked in my heart.

I applied some ointment on his wound and put a bandage on it,

"Does it hurt?" I asked him."No, it doesn't hurt.

You know, when at the construction site, stones keep falling on my feet.

Even that could not stop me from working."

In the middle of the sentence, he stopped.

I turned my back on him and tears rolled down my face.

That year, my brother was 23 years old; I was 26 years old.

After I got married, I lived in the city.

Many times my husband invited my parents to come and live with us,

but they didn't want.They said,

once they left the village, they wouldn't know what to do.

My brother agreed with them. He said,

"Sis, you just take care of your parents-in-law. I will take care of mom and dad here."

My husband became the director of his factory.

We asked my brother to accept the offer of being the manager in the maintenance department.

But my brother rejected the offer.

He insisted on working as a repairman instead for a start.

One day, my brother was on the top of a ladder repairing a cable,

when he got electrocuted, and was sent to the hospital.

My husband and I visited him at the hospital.

Looking at the white gypsum on his leg, I grumbled,

"Why did you reject the offer of being a manager?

Managers won't do something dangerous like that. Now look at you,

You are suffering a serious injury. Why didn't you just listen to us?"

With a serious expression on his face, he defended his decision,

"Think of brother-in-law. He just became the director, and I being uneducated,

and would become a manager, what kind of rumours would fly around?"

My husband's eyes filled up with tears, and then I said,

"But you lack in education only because of me!"

"Why do you talk about the past?" he said and then he held my hand.

That year, he was 26 years old and I was 29 years old.

My brother was 30 years old when he married a farmer girl from the village.

During the wedding reception, the master of ceremonies asked him,

"Who is the one person you respect and love the most?"

Without even taking a time to think, he answered,

" My sister."

He continued by telling a story I could not even remember.

"When I was in primary school, the school was in a different village.

Everyday, my sister and I would walk for 2 hours to school and back home.

One day, I lost the other pair of my gloves.

My sister gave me one of hers.

She wore only one glove and she had to walk far.

When we got home, her hands were trembling

because of the cold weather that she could not even hold her chopsticks.

From that day on, I swore that as long as I live,

I would take care of my sister and will always be good to her."

Applause filled up the room. All guests turned their attention to me.

I found it hard to speak,

"In my whole life, the one I would like to thank most is my brother,"

And in this happy occasion, in front of the crowd,

tears were rolling down my face again.

Love and care for the one you love every single days of your life.

You may think what you did is just a small deed but it may result in huge repercussions.

.this is angelpeg.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004
11:41:00 PM

t.r.u.s.t.

i trust you a lot cuz you once told me that you will never ever cheat on your gf as you dislike ppl who cheats..

i know you cant trust me a lot cuz i hav a bad history of cheatin on bfs..

i understand that cuz if it's me, i cant trust my bf if he did cheat on gfs..

i know myself too well, i cant resist to temptations..

stiil rem i once asked you e same thing when we first went out..

you even think i hav intentions of askin you tt..

so you dun allow me to go out w any guys, i understand that and i dun blame you at all..

you wan to protect me..

you dun wanna lose me..

but when i asked you whether r u afraid of losing me, you denied..

i seriously dunno wat exactly r u feelin towards me..

i wanna know how strong your love for me is..

guess i shldnt expect so much from you..

i'm sorry..

even thou i dunno why..

i just feel like i'm doin e wrong thing all e time..

nothin i do seem to be right at all..

i keep doin e wrong thing at e wrong time..

so hard to seek forgiveness..

so hard to gain trust..

i just wan you to forget abt e mistakes i've done

and start again..

dun let my past affect us again..

love me for who i am now,

and not who i was before..

i wanna change just for you..

trust me..

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i like e song which is playin now..

get to know this song thru c.k.'s blog..

whenever i'm online,

i'll open her blog and listen to this again & again..

my frens r actually quite frustrated w me already..

but i like it..

cuz it sumhow triggers e emotional part in me..

and i like that kind of feelin..

guess i like a bit of sadness in my happiness..

it makes me cherish wat i hold now..

i love the way i am now..

but i dun love who i was before..

so i wanna change..

i dun wan let e past affect me..

i wanna throw away all e bad things..

i wan a chance..

pls let me hav e chance..

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.this is angelpeg.

this is a damn cool digital camera!! jill just got a red one.. oh.. totally melt my heart.. think black or orange is cool..

.this is angelpeg.

hungry at home..

laziness has taken over me.. so i cant cook..

still rem e funny encounters i had when i went to e singapore zoo on 23rd.. w avin's sisters..

encounter #1
- polar bear poo-ing!! his ass was contractin n expanding.. we din know wat was happening.. but few secs later.. he did it! right in front of a live audience.. and pooed right in to his swimmin pool..

encounter #2
- wild hunting dogs mating!! well.. tt's a common sight in JB.. haha..

encounter #3
- proboscis monkey (e ones w a big nose!) was takin out his dick while sittin high up on a tree, and pee!! it was like a right tube.. e same time.. he was eatin leaves!! his behaviour is like man.. haha.. funny sia..

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hungry for past

a!! hungry for cheese!! but gettin fatter le.. face gettin rounder.. haiz.. so ke lian me... sobz sobz..

cant meet avin cuz his car sent for repair.. dunno what i shld do.. haiz.. but it's rainin.. also lazy to go out or tk public transport..

new yr comin.. quite lookin forward to a new yr cuz it will mean new resolutions and new hopes..
my hope is tt i can get into uni.. really hope so bay..

goin to shift house soon... just went for eugene's hse warmin on 26th.. heez.. shifting further down from JB city.. haiz.. will tk longer time in transport.. sianz sia..

but like e idea of livin in a new hse.. everythin's new.. lookin forward.. but dun think can move in for chinese new yr.. think mayb few more mths.. :)

jill, von & nie.. pls send me e photos soon.. thx!!

.this is angelpeg.

Sunday, December 26, 2004
9:25:00 PM

apology to alvin

i'm truly sorry.. sorry for all e stupid things i've done tt made you mad.. really sorry.. i shld hav told you tt he emailed me but i just wanna get things over done with so i replied him without your acknowledge.. really sorry..

i dunno how to explain myself in order for you to forgive me.. but i really hope you will.. i aint tt untrustworthy.. i'm definitely worth your trust.. please.. i'm pleadin you to forgive me.. please do..

i'll do anything.. please just forgive me..

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was on msn w kok hong.. he mentioned tt from my pics, he can tell tt i aint tt cheerful anymore.. mayb i look haggard now.. dunno wat's on my mind all e time.. really not sure.. but tt's very nice of him to tell me tt.. thx for your concern, kok hong..

christmas is over.. i had a splendid time w my avin n my great frens.. met up with most my close frens..

met w nie and von on 23rd to go for a xmas dinner.. it was great! anu joined us only for a while.. surprise to know tt she's goin to e same pri sch as von.. wat a coincidence!!

went to do a bit of shoppin w jane on xmas eve.. where her bf n mine went bowlin n snooker.. guys!! we went to a trick-magic shop at plaza pelangi where e nice owner showed us some of his tricks.. it was totally awesome!! feels like a little kid amazed by all e little tricks... esp e one he used a fake cockroach to bluff us.. wow!! in e end, we bought two fake cigarettes and 3 stink bomb!! which i intend to try in whichever club i'll b goin to... heez..

after shoppin, avin went church w me n my family.. we went dinner after that.. when it was all done, we went to spore to find his brother.. who went in spore earlier tt mornin... we spent e 1st moment of xmas in e car on our way to tuas checkpt.. romantic sia!! heez.. we went to alleybar to hav a pizza thou we intend to go zouk.. der was too many ppl.. after tt, we went back to e hotel w his bro..

and also, today.. i went to eugene's hse for hse warming, where i saw the guys in my class.. jill was der too.. so happy.. and my dear avin went w me, despite e fact tt he dunno any of them.. tt was really sweet of him.. was really happy today!

thank you alvin! xmas has been wonderful cuz i hav you w me.. thx for everything.. and also, to all my dear frens.. who spent xmas w me too... thx for everything!! love ya lots..

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★愛是一種感覺,
即使痛苦也會覺得幸福
愛是一種體會,
即使心碎也會覺得甜蜜
愛是一種經驗,
即使破碎也會覺得美麗

喜歡跟愛是不一樣的~~
喜歡是盪秋遷..
可以自得其樂..不需要別人的回應
愛是翹翹板.☆

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
＊誰可以當男朋友，誰只能當普通朋友。＊

普通朋友：半夜會找妳打BBS聊天到很晚。
男朋友：半夜看妳還在BBS上會趕你下線(當然妳可以柪個幾分鐘)。
---------------------------------------------
普通朋友：他會找你出去玩,叫妳放棄報告或翹課。
男朋友：他會催妳快寫作業,或者想要跟你討論功課。
---------------------------------------------
普通朋友：在你生病時，會講好話關心妳。
男朋友：在你生病時，他會關心到你很煩，而且逼你去看醫生。
------------------------------------------
普通朋友：他會盡量說好話來討好妳，妳會覺得他很棒。
男朋友：他所說的話，都是關心妳的！但通常像是在命令妳，妳會覺得他幹麻這麼做。
--------------------------------------------
普通朋友：他什麼事情都會配合著你，只要你高興。
男朋友：他會幫你辨別是非，但你會覺得他管太多。
-----------------------------------
普通朋友：他會說他要給你最大的幸福。
男朋友：他只能給你保證，妳跟他在一起，他是最快樂的。
-----------------------------------------
普通朋友：他會幫你買消夜，送宵夜，載你上下課。
男朋友：他會幫你買宵夜，不過他會提醒你，吃什麼比較健康。他會載你上下課，不過要他有順路，因為他不能為你而翹課。因為他翹課，他成績便會不好，成績不好不會有好工作。那你們將來日子怎麼會好過，他會想的很遠。
----------------------------------------
普通朋友：他只有想到現在。
男朋友：他已經預見將來，該怎麼自我努力，好給你幸福。
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~※→因為愛你.所以放手還你自由←※~
~※ →因為愛你.所以不再讓你困擾←※~
~※→因為愛你.所以寧願自己難過←※~
~※→因為愛你.所以我逼自己離開← ※~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

如果我還一直深愛著你...你是否還會待在我身邊?
如果我還一直在乎著你...你是否會再多看我一眼?
是否我已不存在了...你才感覺的到我的離開?
是否我已離開了....你才感覺的到我對你的好?
在此祝福全天下所以的有情人~都能夠忠誠眷屬~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

some chinese wordings which i find quite touchin.. heez...

.this is angelpeg.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004
12:23:00 AM

it was abt to rain when we're leavin.. sobz.. thou e waterworld was quite small, we had lots of fun.. :p

.this is angelpeg.

why is this opposite?? hmmmm..

.this is angelpeg.

take at look at e sign board n compare w e next.. heez..

.this is angelpeg.

EPS trio was at WILD WILD WET!!!

.this is angelpeg.

nie look kinda freak here.. heez..

.this is angelpeg.

ah!! wat's tt ang mo doin behind??? hmmmm.. up to no good..

.this is angelpeg.

me & nie w e W3 playground as background.. heez..

.this is angelpeg.

taken when we're leavin W3.. heez.. nie so vain.. nah.. she's actually tryin to take a pic of her own..

.this is angelpeg.

second shot w von on e bus to WWW..

.this is angelpeg.

me & von on e bus.. heez..

.this is angelpeg.

EPS's trip to WILD WILD WET.. heez..

.this is angelpeg.

this is alvin's youngest sister.. cassandra.. she's v adorable.. look like my youngest sister, margaret.. heez..

.this is angelpeg.

went to watch a bball match w avin just den.. it was our 1st match together.. heez.. but e score was already 82/35.. poor team.. haiz.. we just pass by when he sendin me back.. den he asked whether wanna watch.. heez..

.this is angelpeg.

e candle at ALLEYBAR.. just a casual shot..

.this is angelpeg.

avin did a very neat job w e fish.. haha.. but we din finish it in e end.. haha..

.this is angelpeg.

candy the shih tzu at MOCO salon in JB.. cutez!! heez.. alvin managed to get him her to stand up!! :)

.this is angelpeg.

was at taka golf shop w avin.. he said the left putter is very big.. compared to the normal one on e right.. really? i think so..

.this is angelpeg.

this is more natural.. heez.. cutez!!

.this is angelpeg.

went to KL w alvin n his brother & other two frens from australia.. heez.. i like this.. looks sweet.. but aint very clear..

.this is angelpeg.

Monday, December 20, 2004
11:59:00 PM

DEXTER!!! sly one.. heez..

.this is angelpeg.

taken at centrpoint.. POWERPUFF GIRLS!! heez.. think bubble is cuter..

.this is angelpeg.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004
1:43:00 AM

[this.was.the.touching.story.i.mentioned.in.my.second.previous.entry.i.forgot.to.post.it.sorry]

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms.

The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat.

My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms and so I did.

She was then plump and shy.

I was a strong and happy bridegroom.

That was the scene, ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of plain water:

we had a kid, I went into business and tried to make more money.

When our assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb.

She was a civil servant.

Every morning we left home together and reached home almost at the same time.

Our kid is studying in a boarding school.

Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy.

But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.

Dew came into my life.

It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony.

Dew hugged me from behind.

My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love.

This was the apartment I bought for her.

Dew said, "You are the kind of man who best draws girls eyeballs."

Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife.

When we just married, my wife said, "Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls."

Thinking of this, I became somehow hesitant.

I knew I had betrayed my wife.

But I couldn't help doing so.

I moved Dew's hands aside and said, "Can you go select some furniture by yourself? I've work in the office."

Obviously she was unhappy, because I promised her to go with her.

At that moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind.

It used to be something impossible for me.

However, It was rather difficult to tell my wife about it.

No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt.

Honestly,she was a good wife.

Every evening she will be busy preparing dinner. I will be sitting in front of the tv.

The dinner will be ready soon after.

Then we will watch tv together.

Or, I will be lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body.

That was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slight joking way, "suppose we divorce, what will you do?"

She stared at me for a few seconds without a word.

Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her.

I couldn't imagine how she would react once she knew I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out.

Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic look and tried to hide something while talking with her.

She seemed to have gotten some hint.

She gently smiled at my subordinates.

But I sensed some hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, "He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together."

I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.

At dinner, when my wife served the last dish, I held her hand.

"I've got something to tell you,"

She sat down and ate quietly.

Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth.

But I had to let her know what I was thinking.

"I want a divorce."

I raised a serious topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked mes softly,

"why?"

"I'm serious."

I avoided her question.

This so-called answer, turned her angry.

She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me,

"You are not a man!"

At that night, we didn't talk to each other.

She was weeping.

I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage.

But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement,

which state that she could own our house,our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces.

I felt a pain in my heart.

The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day.

But I could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried in front of me, which was what I had expectedto see.

To me her tears was actually a relief.

The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

One late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients.

I saw her scribbling something at the table.

I fell asleep without bothering to check what was she scribbling.

When I woke up, I found she was still there.

I turned over and fell asleep again.

She brought up her divorce conditions:

she didn't want anything from me,

but I was supposed to give her one month's time before divorce,

and in the month's time we must live as normal life as possible.

Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later

and she didn't want him to see our broken marraige.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me,

"He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?"

This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me.

I nodded and said,

"I remember."

"You carried me in your arms," she continued,

"so I have a request, that is, you have to carry me out of our room in your arms on the day when we divorce.

From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from our bedroom to the door every morning."

I accepted it with a smile.

I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.

She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd.

"No matter what tricks she comes up with, she has to face the result of divorce," she said scornfully.

Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed.

We even treated each other as a stranger.

So whenI carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy.

Our son clapped behind us,

"Daddy is holding Mummy in his arms."

His words gave me a sense of pain.

From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms.

She closed her eyes and said softly,

"Let us start from today, don't tell our son."

I nodded, feeling somehow upset.

I put her down outside the door.

She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily.

She leaned on my chest.

We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse.

I realized that I hadn't looked this carefully and intimately at thiswoman for a long time.

I found she was not young any more.

There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me,

"The outside garden will be demolished. Be careful when you pass there."

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I began to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding

my sweetheart in my arms.

The visualization of Dew became vaguer.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as,where she put the ironed shirts, I should be

careful while cooking, etc.

I nodded.

The sense of intimacy was even stronger.

I didn't tell Dew about this.

I felt it was easier to carry her.

Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

"It seems not difficult to carry you now, " I said.

She was picking her dresses.

I was waiting to carry her out.

She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one.

Then she sighed, "All my dresses have grown fatter."

I smiled.

But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily,

not because I was stronger.

I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart.

Again, I felt a sense of pain.

Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head!

Our son came in at the moment.

"Dad, it s time to carry mum out," he shouted.

To him, watching his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life.

She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly.

I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute.

I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway.

Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally.

I held her body tightly, as if we went back to our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step.

Our son had gone to school.

She said, "Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old."

I held her tightly and said,

"Both you and I didn't notice what our life lacked was such intimacy."

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door,

in fear that any delay would make me change my decision.

I reached Dew's apartment.

Dew opened the door.

"Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious," I told her.

She looked at me, astonished.

Then she touched my forehead, checking whether am I having a fever.

I moved her hand off my head.

"Sorry, Dew," I said, "I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce.

My marriage life was bored probably because we did not value the details of life and marriage,

not because we do not love each other any more.

Now I understand that since I carried her into our home, she gave birth to our child,

I am supposed to hold her until I am old.

I have to say sorry to you."

Dew was shocked.

She gave me a tight slap and slammed the door, bursting into tears.

I walked back to my car and drove to the office.

When I passed by the floral shop, I ordered a bouquet of my wife's favourite flowers.

The florist asked, "Any greetings, sir?"

I smiled and wrote,

" I'll carry you out every morning until we are old. "

---------------------------------------------------------

.this is angelpeg.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004
11:05:00 PM

[when.a.guy.falls.in.love]

when a guy falls in love, he becomes faithful to his beloved.
his change in his character will shock everyone around him.
his egoist heart will uncompromisingly softens and willingly gives his heart to the lady he falls in love with. furthermore he'll be willing to sacrifice everything, do anything for his loved one.
no matter how egoist he may be, tears will fall from his cheeks when his heart is broken.
it's not easy to see a guy cry for their loved one.

20 signs to recognise the strong love in a guy.

1. he will be willing to do anything for his beloved, with sincerity not coercion.

2. he constantly will humour his beloved and tends to be more talkative.

3. he tends to advise his beloved more as he truly loves her and hope that she can be a better person.

4. he tries to restrict her freedom because of his overwhelming jealousy.

5. he constantly fear of losing his beloved.

6. he always monitors his beloved's every movement, as insecurity is overtakin him.

7. he loathe the idea of other guys being close to his beloved.

8. he becomes jealous and sensitive when his beloved paid less attention to him.

9. he will be the most hardworking person and help his beloved to do everything.

10. he feels restless when his beloved is away for long.

11. he cares for his beloved more than he does for himself.

12. he constantly questions if his beloved loves him as he feels that his love is greater than his beloved's.

13. he would not be bothered with other girls who hold no importance to him.

14. he will spend a lot of time with his beloved even though he knows he'll end up waiting for his beloved.

15. he praises his beloved in front of others.

16. if his beloved leaves him, he cannot trust any other girl and insist on his beloved's return to his side.

17. when there is a third party, he loses his mind. he is willing to do anything to fight for his beloved.

18. he ensures her safety at all times.

19. he is like a small kid who fights for constant attention from his beloved.

20. he treats his beloved as his most trusted one and willing to sacrifice everything for her.

~ something i found on friendster's bulletin board, no harm reading it.
but girls will do the same thing for a guy too.~
---------------------------------------------------------------
r e l a x e d

just came back from a foot reflexology session.. this is my 2nd time.. cant really feel e diff thou.. hmmm.. but guess i can feel few bones in my body loosen.. damn gek was tt e uncle said is alvin my brother (di di)? i was struck dumb! in e end, it was alvin's mum who told him, ' no la '.. haiyo.. do i look old or alvin look younger? dun understand these ppl.. dunno den dun ask so straight forward la.. haiyo..

was at KL since thursday to saturday.. went to this club called NUOVO, on thursday.. saw performance by WU TANG clan.. but dunno who e hell r they.. heez.. not bad la.. clubbin at KL.. din get to go ZOUK thou.. went by it.. quite big sia.. heez.. think quite ex.. heard tt it was rm50.. wow!! i nv hav to pay entry fee.. heez.. din get to go shoppin.. cuz e guys i went w r TERRIFIED of girls shoppin.. one of them suggested that e girls to use only half hr to shop... ??? wth was tt? well.. in e end only me n avin went to get sum stuff.. i only bought one rm10 green t-shirt.. haha.. great deal.. but cant see anythin i like.. vin din get anythin except for famous amos cookies.. haha...

lookin forward to xmas.. EPS on 23rd.. yippee!! but dunno wat to get for them.. i was wonderin.. am i gettin one gift or two for e exchange thingy? can either von or nie let me know.. thx.. bit blur.. heez.. hav so much to talk to them w..

think avin jealous le.. haha.. cuz he said tt den i wont b celebratin xmas w him le.. cuz i'll b goin church w my family on 24th.. but dun b silly vin.. of cuz i'll still spend xmas w you.. but you gotta think of how r we gonna spend it wor.. heez.. i aint tt good in comin up w ideas.. heez.. thank you!!!

just read von's entry.. she mentioned tt i was confused w my life.. i think so.. but i dun wish to affect her in any way possible.. i guess she wasnt really happy also.. everything feels like so messed up.. she just moved.. i dunno how she feel abt her teachin job.. but she entered the NIE cuz of me n nie.. but we din get in at all.. haiz..

i dunno wat e hell am i waitin for now..

-waitin for news from singapore airlines in abt few days (sorry nie tt i din let you know when i applied.. :p) -waitin for CHINESE PROFICENCY TEST in jan..
-waitin for CHINESE NEW YR (nothin to do w my life actually.. haha.. )
-waitin for E MATHS results in feb..
-waitin for UNI INTAKE..

haiz.. dunno wat i shld feel abt all these.. like e sayin, the greater the hopes, the higher the disappointment.. haiz.. just let nature tk its course..

ya.. i shld.. shld just let nature tk its course.. for most of the things in my life.. i truly believe tt if its mine, it will eventually be mine.. even thou i hav to wait ages for it.. if it is meant to be, it will be..

just went to jill's blog.. haven been der for ages.. cuz cant really rem e add.. heez.. but really glad tt she had a wonderful bday.. dunno whether she's really happy or not.. cuz i cant tell.. i din see her tt day.. really regret it.. sorry jill.. din get to be in sg.. sorry.. but still.. glad u hav ur fun tt day.. tt's all tt matters.. heez..

l givin my tuition.. thou e kids r gettin more naughtier dan ever.. wth!! hate it when they dun do my work.. i will scold them till v jia lart.. den they will either cry or keep quiet, dun look at me and hav teary eyes.. ARGH!! hate it sia.. i very soft-hearted.. i will talk to them nicely and do watever i can to put e smile back on their faces.. dunno wat e hell am i doin lo.. argh! think they will get on my head sooner or later.. haha..

wanna get my manicure, my hair treatment, mayb trim my hair a bit, or get a new darker colour.. dun wann rebond cuz i fear it might spoil my hair.. i wanna get all these before xmas.. but i'm runnin out of 'water'.. so hav to keep my tuition timetable constant, so i can get paid once a week.. it can b few hundred in a week.. heez.. n also, sch is startin soon.. fear i cant hav much time to tuition them when it does.. haiz..

.this is angelpeg.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004
5:18:00 PM

[s a d]

just read a very very touching story of a married couple.. (will post it on later) was listening to the song from c.k.'s blog at e same time.. alomost cried.. think mayb today was an very emotional day.. realised tt i hardly smile.. always listen to e same song played on c.k.'s blog when i was online at kingsurf.. really like e music.. :)

xmas came early yesterday.. avin asked his mum, who's comin back from australia, to buy the elizabeth arden : provocative woman perfume for me.. sweet! he gotten e davidoff : cool water.. thx avin..

dunno when was e last time avin read my blog.. cuz i was always w him when we came to kingsurf.. i din see him visit my blog lately.. hav a lot to say.. but sumtimes, words just dun come easily for me..

feels like we're just two strangers.. not knowing how each other feel.. not knowing wat to say or do.. everything just feels weird for me now.. like i dunno him anymore.. i feel so terrible.. so terrible.. dunno how to tell him e pain i'm feelin inside.. when i cried, he'll ask me why i cried.. i dunno how to answer him.. i just felt hurt.. my heart was tearing apart.. i dunno how to express this pain to him.. it's just e small things tt he did.. i cant explain why i felt tt way.. guess it's communication breakdown.. we just no longer talk bah..

ya.. i'm ignorant.. very ignorant.. cuz i dun understand wat u wan.. i'm just slow.. sumtimes i just dunno how to react and express myself in a right way.. so i need time to think.. i dun wan to say or do e wrong stuff and make you angry.. :( feel so xin ku.. i'm stoning.. crying.. dun think you know anythin abt it..

watched quite a few documentries lately.. on hippo:king of river.. crocs, alligators.. plants, dogs.. (how come dog n god are spelled the other way? weird.. just realised.. ) impressed by the way how animals live.. how they fight for their survival.. how they attract the opposite gender.. how they protect their loved ones.. guess der's not much diff between human from them..

ppl r constantly changing.. changing for the better or worse.. think i'm changing now.. mayb i just feel diff now bay...

finished harry potter:goblet of fire.. startin on order of phoenix.. still a long way to go.. wanna start on my jeffrey archer soon.. started a bit.. heez...

EPS xmas dinner.. heez.. on 23rd dec.. damn lookin forward to it.. at least i know i will b very happy on tt day.. cuz i'm not sure now whether i'll b happy on other days of xmas.. except e one w my family.. :) gotta shop for xmas present le.. exchangin w e girls on tt day.. hmmmm.. tough!

bought a notebook just now.. wan to make my own 2005 planner.. since i cant really find one tt i really like.. heez.. hope it will be a great one.. gonna put in some photos .. cute stuff.. nice colours.. dant wait to start workin on tt.. heez..

xmas present.. wow! tt's a headache.. somemore bdays in dec..

DECEMBER BABIES:
- Jillian : 12th
- Annie (sister) : 15th
- Banny (cousin) : 16th
- Dad : 31st

and xmas presents for so many ppl.. haiz.. real n big headache..

.this is angelpeg.

angelpeg

a.simple.girl.who.is.
troubled.with.life.
confused.by.emotions.
beyond.man's.comprehension.
searching.for.understanding.
hoping.for.forgiveness.

miracle me

companion:
MarshMallow

fragrance:
i love bvlgari omnia

career:
officially a high-paying flying waitress

accessories:
i want a T&Co bracelet/ring

hair:
long black hair and with a twist

target:
earn more money

love:
i love my marshmallow

looking back the chapters of my life

12.2003
01.2004
02.2004
03.2004
04.2004
05.2004
06.2004
07.2004
08.2004
09.2004
10.2004
11.2004
12.2004
01.2005
02.2005
03.2005
04.2005
05.2005
06.2005
08.2005
09.2005
10.2005
11.2005
12.2005
01.2006
02.2006
03.2006
04.2006
05.2006
06.2006
07.2006
08.2006
09.2006
10.2006
11.2006
12.2006
01.2007
02.2007
03.2007
04.2007
05.2007
06.2007
07.2007
08.2007
09.2007
10.2007
11.2007
12.2007
01.2008
02.2008
03.2008
04.2008
05.2008
06.2008
07.2008
08.2008
09.2008
10.2008
11.2008
12.2008
01.2009
02.2009
03.2009
04.2009
05.2009
06.2009
07.2009

Lyrics | Taylor Swift lyrics - White Horse lyrics